Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
