i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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