just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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