i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
