We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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