the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
