They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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