I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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