Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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