dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
