You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
