just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
