Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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