If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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