I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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