you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
