Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
