I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize