I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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