I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
