fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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