You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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