My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize