her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
