Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we're so committed to being not committed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
