I can text with my tongue
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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