Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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