the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
