my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
