And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
