I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
