Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
