Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
