The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The feeling are messing with the penis
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
