She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
