Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize