at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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