He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
