remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
