Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
