I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
