i think my mom watched the whole time
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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