She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
