I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
