Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're like the curious george of whores
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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