bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
