she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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