Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
