Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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