We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
