You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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