god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
