last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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