i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
