dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
