I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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