Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
