turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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