Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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