I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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