So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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