i was born a porn star she said
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
