I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
