he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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