I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you had me at cake vodka
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
