I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
