He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
