i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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